Well, I wasn’t going to blog about this but right now I need therapy and I don’t feel like talking (or listening for that matter).

 

Let me give you the quick run down.  After 10+ years of battling fatigue, random lactose intolerance (self diagnosis that sometimes made lots of sense and other times seemed to make no sense, like even when I ate a salad or skipped a meal) and symptoms that could be due to IBS, I have finally decided to see a Dr.

Let me also add that at night I often have a low-grade fever (just enough to make me feel like poopka).

 

That is the SUPER short version.

 

Also note that the girl I love as my best-est friend, just turned 35 earlier this week, is probably in her final days, losing her fight against Cancer. She and Mom were telling me how I NEED to follow-up and find out what my problem is (medically), so I asked for a referral to see a Gastroentenologist.

 

 The Gastroentenologist (sp?) said he was thinking it’s probably just lactose intolerance and IBS (still does not explain fatigue) but that there were 2 things that concerned him. One was a pain I had during examination in my abdomen. I told him I thought he was pressing on a gas ball, I wasn’t aware of that pain before he pressed on it. The other thing is my low-grade fevers. He ordered a CT scan.

 

Last Friday I went for my CT scan, figuring they will find nothing, all my blood tests (for Celiac, Crohn’s Disease and parasites) would come up normal and I will be saying, “I told you so” because I would have no new answers or solutions to these problems (can you tell I have little faith in modern medicine?).

 

Instead, on Monday morning I got a call from the nurse. The Dr. is ordering me an MRI, the CT scan showed an enlarged uterus and thickening of the intestines. After getting a little freaked out, I got a copy of the report and spoke briefly to the nurse at our Primary Care Dr. (she was faxing me the report to bring to my GYN). She said, “Oh, you have fibroids”. She acted like no big deal, I searched the internet and felt the same way.

 

But, when I got the report there was more. Basically, it’s like I am tumor infested or something, I don’t know. The thickening of the intestine sounded like probably just poor imaging and is probably nothing. I have a small hemangioma on my liver, also not likely a problem. I have several small fibroids in my uterus, probably not a problem either though may explain a few menstrual changes (which is more of just an annoyance). What concerns me most is a possible 1.3 cm tumor on my pancreas. The Radiologist’s conclusion suggests two particular tumor possibilities (in both cases they can be malignant or benign) or perhaps it is just a vascular structure (which probably means nothing).

 

My sister works in the medical field and read the report. She said my MIL had a similar thing (tumor on her pancreas) on her CT and it ended up being nothing, they just cover their butts by doing further testing. Okay....sure a possibility BUT when I read about the pancreas (never knew what it did), I can’t help but wonder if this is the cause of my problems.

 

I decided I would not let it freak me out. I went for my MRI on Tuesday and I’m not happy about having to wait through the holidays for the MRI test results but I figure whatever it is God knows and He has known, there are no surprises. He’s not thinking, “Oh no! I didn’t see that one coming!! Now what!?” So I’ve been taking comfort in knowing He’s in it and on it, you know?

 

But then tonight as we are playing a family board game I started feel sickly again. I took my temp. and I have another low-grade fever, shortly after I started getting the chills. I broke down. I’m scared. Sure, maybe it is nothing, maybe I was concerned about nothing and everyone can continue to giggle about how freaked I was when I first got the news, I am a big whiner and my fatigue and severe distention for unknown reasons is just something I have to live with. OR maybe, I listened to too many people tell me their tired too and feel like crap too, so it must not be a big deal and I’m silly if I go to the Dr. insisting they help me find answers, for so long, that I failed to find Cancer for years and years after it began invading my body.

 

The possible tumor concerns me but put that low-grade fever into the fix and I think we are ignorant not to consider that tumor being something other than just a shadow or a vein.

 

Would you please say a prayer for me? Of course I hope it is nothing serious BUT that we will find out what is wrong with me so we can fix it but above all else my prayer is for God’s strength, increased faith and grace. I have watched Cancer take my best friend’s life before it has taken her life and I see another friend’s husband walk through Cancer with tremendous, incredible, unshakable faith. Whatever the case may be, let God use me to bring Him glory, or there is no point in any of this.

I know this may sound absurd to some, but I'm an old Southern Baptist - the devil will fight you to interfere with your plans to adopt "Flower". Let me briefly share our experience; (a)Announced we were adopting May 2006, (b)May 2006 my mom diagnosed with cancer with only months to live, (c)Perfect home study completed in August 2007, (d) October 2007 CIS makes a mistake on our 797 and prevents us from traveling, (e)We were notified 11/21 we were to depart for Russia on 11/30, (f) Tonight on the way back from an errand, my wife calls and tells me the car was acting funny. I went to pick her up, 20 minutes later the police are calling - her car burned up, total loss. Had she continued to drive, it could have been bad. Had she arrived at home, it could have set the two other vehicles and house on fire.

Keep the faith, please. In every situation that developed, we also saw God's hand in the recovery. Your family is on our prayers...

Hi Michelle,

The Lord woke up at about 3:30 this a.m. to pray for you. Praise the Lord for His mercy and grace to get us through trying times. I know he will walk with you through this.

Isaiah 43:1-3

Fear Not! For I have Redeemed You. I have called you by your name, YOU ARE MINE!
When you pass through the waters, I will be with you;
And through the rivers, they shall not overwhelm you, when you walk through the fire, you shall not be burned, and the flame shall not consume you For I am the Lord Your God.