So God has been crankin’ up the grace and last night, as I was fellowshipping with our Heavenly Father, I spoke about the peace that I have. I was talking about scriptures that tell us to keep on knocking, or moving mountains, basically the power of prayer. I was talking about how I have been praying less specifically about our adoption situation and realize I have totally handed it over to God’s will. This is not a bad thing but I think sometimes we do need to keep on knocking and believing in the power of our prayers for specific things. I also felt awkward about having so much peace right now and wondered if, along with His grace, I just completely believe it will be okay, that we will be able to adopt “Flower” or am just oddly not as affected by the possible loss as I thought I would be (like I have been before).

 

Well, this afternoon, God allowed me to feel the burden of the load, or maybe I just took it back from him. My heart is aching; I want to bring “Flower” home. And at this time the foster family supports our adoption, HOPES we can adopt her but will not give any kind of written statement as they have been advised by a friend at the local lever to “do nothing”! What? Huh? My facilitator does not think we have a chance without her statement and the SDA will not accept pictures and letters exchanged between us and the foster family submitted with our dossier. So as Yana would put it, I got nothin’!

 

I’m so frustrated I could scream. As if that isn’t enough, Dan is unsure as to how to proceed. He thinks if we are not adopting “Flower” from Ukraine we should not adopt from Ukraine. Well, first of all we won’t know that for sure until we travel for our appointment. So is he suggesting we travel, spend almost all of the adoption money, get none of it back and come home childless?! I don’t believe God has brought us this far for nothing and He certainly hasn’t told me we should stop. Dan doesn’t “feel it”, as far as going to get another child and thinks we should adopt from the U.S. Again, what? Huh? Just start over after getting this far? Did I mention I could scream???

 

Somebody send up some prayers, PLEASE! I cannot carry this and we need a word from God, seriously.

Give Dan some time. He is probably just frustrated. Hey, I am a big believer in prayer and the more involved, the better. I have seen God move mountains in the past week in our situation. Just trust Him. If it is His will, it will happen. I know the Sunday before we called the agency about "our" kids, I went to the alter and asked God to have them removed from the list by lunch the following day if this was not his will. Well, they were not removed the following day. The unbeliever may think this is just hog wash, but I assure you we could not have gotten this far with out His hand.
You are in our prayers -

Keep your chin up. The devil knows how to creep in during our weakest moments...
We will continue to pray. Just know that even when the future seems bleek, it can end with a happy ending...we know from experience!